Lost in Motherhood

You know sometimes I get down. Not depressed where I need medication. Just down. I don't know. I miss the life we left behind sometimes. Of course, this is said in the same breath as "I love my kids and would not trade them for anything". I swear that I love my life as is. It's just the alone time and the time alone with my husband that I miss sometimes. I treasured all the things we did together when we did them. It just seems that we never have that time to ourselves anymore with two kids. Which we don't. No seeming about it.

I've been thinking about mini-getaways for just the two of us. A bed and breakfast weekend just the two of us. A night in a hotel room on the beach. A drive through the countryside. In my dream world we'd have breakfast in bed, cuddle, hold hands, enjoy lots of sex and just be together the two of us, alone. I would love to just sit down at dinner and casually eat my food while having adult conversation instead of gulping down my food at rapid pace before my two year old defaced public property.

We have not left our kids with anyone and done this since we've had Jacob. That is almost three years of "together" time and no break from our kiddos. I was thinking about all our couple friends and how they take frequent mini trips away from their kids. They do this alot. I was one of those that thought to myself "how can they leave their kids" and go do that? I can see how. Sometimes a couple needs some alone time to regroup. To refresh and bask in the love that brought them their beautiful families. I think our infertility battle really made us clingy parents. We aren't the type to let others watch our kids or leave them with the grandparents to go off for a weekend away. We are very attentive, smothering, never leaving them with anyone type parents. I don't know why, we just are and have been. It's not that we don't trust others to watch our kids. I know we have some fully capable grandparents that would jump at the chance. It has just been fun for us to spend every waking moment with our kids.

I'm not bitching or complaining really. I just am writing this out to get a clear view of my feelings. I think it's time to do something for myself. Enjoy a few nights with Mr. Big where we can celebrate what we've accomplished and what we have to look forward to in the future. Sometimes you just need to regroup. I think its time.