I spoke too soon...

My Mom is being admitted into the hospital for surgery on Friday. She has been in ill health for quite some time, but seems to always dodge the bullet and get herself healthy enough to be able to decline surgeries. Until this week...

She went in because her hernia has been causing her extreme discomfort and she hasn't been able to keep food down for weeks. She has basically been bed ridden for a solid month now due to the anguishing pain it's causing her. You might think that sounds whimpy, but don't forget her congestive heart failure added on top of that makes for a very weak person. She had an array of tests done on her heart by her cardiologist and while the tests came back with not so great results they could not let her go on with her hernia either. She has a strangulating [sic, I'm sure] hernia that is attacking, for lack of a better explanation, her intestines.

She is scared. She wants to see the boys tomorrow because she is afraid she will die during surgery or while she's under anesthesia. She hasn't felt good for a long time and being bed ridden for a month has really given her a negative outlook on life. She doesn't trust many people and for her it's hard to let doctors take control of her life through surgeries and medications. She's always been a control freak. While, I don't think she will die and be just fine, I hate hearing her tell me that she could. The fear I guess is the most frightening for me because my Mom is not one to back down or show fear, which she's doing now.

I'm nervous, but feel positive for her. I think she has needed the surgery for some time and the doctors have prolonged the inevitable due to her cardiac issues. I would be a liar if I didn't say that I was scared because I am. No daughter likes to see their Mother suffer and in pain. It is all so scary to me.

I am driving my Mom to the hospital on Thursday. My Dad couldn't get off of work (long story), but will be there immediately following his job obligations that afternoon. The boys will be staying with their paternal grandfather while all of this is going on. I haven't even explained to Jacob what is happening to his Adda. They are truly as close as a grandmother and grand son can get. It would crush him.

So, hopefully things will go well and she will be back to the Adda that we all love. The one that combs the beach looking for seashells at the Big Water. The one that dances to Aerosmith in the car on the way to lunch. The one that takes the boys to Target or Walmart just to buy them a toy and spoil them. The one that cooks dinner for everyone because she's one fantastic chef! We miss her feeling chipper and I pray that she can get to feeling better real soon.