When people ask me if we're done having kids I always cringe with that question. If you would have asked me one day postpartum I would have said "No, I want more, more, more..."! Hormones, ya know? Then reality would hit me and I'd ponder why a complete stranger would ask someone that? I have probably asked it to my close girlfriends, but never to a complete stranger. I'm sure it's a very common question these days considering people stare at me out in public when they see me with two boys and a girl, three kids total, in tow. I've even had the "you sure are brave" comment tossed at me a few times.
Complete strangers will ask us about the children (names and ages). Then the common question that seems to come next is always "Are you done or are you planning more?". When I'm with Mr. Big he doesn't necessarily say we're done. He does however say "I've got three college tuitions to pay for" and just stares back at the person. They then take that to mean "we're done". I, however, just stand off to the side with my mouth closed because I personally think that's a hard question to answer.
Ask me on a day when my children are acting like demon spawns and I'll whole heartedly say "We're done!". Ask me on a day when the kids are all sick and I'm running around with old towels cleaning up vomit and I'll declare "No more!". Ask me on a day when they track mud all over my newly shampooed carpets and I'll say "Shoot me now!". Ask me on a day when I can't even take a shower because I don't have 30 minutes to myself in our schedule for that and I'll say "Give me a break!". Ask me on a day when I'm so tired that I fall asleep sitting upright on the sofa and I'll say "I don't have it in me".
But... Ask me on a day when they are all sitting with me on the sofa and we're peacefully snuggling together watching a movie and I'll say "I want more of this!". Ask me on a day when I get sloppy kiss after sloppy kiss and I've heard them call me Mommy all day, I'll say "this is the life!". Ask me on a day when I look down into the blue eyes of my five month old daughter and see myself in her tiny body and I'll say "I can't believe this is my amazing life". Ask me on a day when my oldest tells me he loves me a hundred billion million trillion kazillion (which is a lot to a five year old) and I'll tell you that "I hope I hear this until the day I die".
I can't say we're done yet. I can say I do feel complete, happy and content. Am I wrong for wanting more of this? I doubt it. Is a person wrong for wanting more designer jeans when they fit so well in the pair they already own? I don't think so. I cringe at the cost and the route we have to take to build our family, but I do look beyond all of that and into the eyes of my children. The depth of their souls and the love that we all share in this house is overwhelmingly amazing. I can't even begin to describe to someone how cool being a mother to three kids is. I think only a parent would understand it and quite frankly, not even some parents fully grasp the crazy feelings I have towards my kids. Life just seems really good when we're all together.
So, I believe that I'm crazy for not wanting more of this. While I do feel like a "baby hoarder" at times, I do also feel that my feelings are 100% valid. So, my answer is still "unsure" at the moment. I am 33 years old and still have a few years to toy around with the idea and convince my husband that there are scholarship programs out there to be had. Ha ha! No, seriously, though, I'm undecided and while I sit teetering on the fence I will enjoy these beautiful, funny, healthy kids of mine and dream that maybe there might be one more of them to enjoy life with. For now, I am truly, honestly blessed to have the ones I already have.