Monday, October 13, 2008

How did you know?

Tell me. How did you know you were done having children? What was the final decision maker for you? I swore I was done while pregnant with Sarah, but I'm having a hard time internally saying "this is it". Mr. Big swears we are done because he's in his 40's. I think that in a few years I'd like to try again for another one since I'm in my 30's. Am I crazy?

13 comments:

Chris said...

I know I am done because I just can't do it anymore. However, it's not what I really want but I think it is what I have to accept :-( It's rather heart breaking for me.

I hear a lot of people say they just knew they were done. They just didn't long to have another newborn. There were no second thought about it.

mamacat said...

sweetie if you have that much longing in your heart - there is no way you are done.I have known too many women who were conviced they were done because they felt stressed or overwhelmed by their circumstnces at that time - in particular a friend who had 3 girls close together & felt so done.Sadly she later confided to me that she regretted it(doing something more permanent)so much by experience you know & have the faith to see Gods timing isnt always ours but its perfect He will work in Mr Bs heart when the time is right so relax but dont do anything perm would be my advice

andria said...

Girl, I think you're hormonal having just given birth and all.

We were done with three and I was supposed to have my tubes tied at the c-section and I panicked and changed my mind at the last minute because I swore I needed to have another, maybe another after that. I think then I was thinking if we had another boy I'd want to try again for a girl and didn't want to close that door. I figured I'd feel differently if I had a girl and have the tubes down later, but when I was leaving that hospital I just sobbed because I didn't want that to be the last time I was doing that. I told my husband to just humor me and tell me that, yes, we can have another baby some day so it doesn't feel so final.

I don't feel the pull as much as I did early on, but it was really hard giving all my maternity clothes away last week.

I think that need to have four will lessen with time.

Ninotchka said...

To be honest, I don't think you're ever really "done." If Guy were younger, I bet I'd be crazy enough to have another "some day" but I definitely wouldn't do it any time soon. Which would put him in his 50s, so, yeah, we're done. I'm perfectly happy with that and we're ready to continue to conquer the world as a crazy little family of 5. :)

As for you, keep your options open. I mean, who knows where you will be in another couple of years? (Guy was 45 when Anna Sofia was born)

liz smith said...

I too was certain I was done while I was pregnant. Then during the babymoon, I really wanted another. Then the more mobile stage hit and I wasn't sure. Then the toddlers years helped me decide. I just realized I was good. So give it time and then you can decide. So that is my female answer.

Now my health provider side get sketchy with the thought of 4 cesareans. I know, people have them, but after three a cesarean gets more risky. So discuss that thoroughly with your doctor.

Pam said...

I have to agree, I don't know if you are ever REALLY done. We only have one, I am 37 though the my H is 42. After years and years of infertility I know the odds are totally against us anyway. Honestly I didn't like the newborn stage, it was compounded by horrible PPD and my son has some medical issues. BUT, yes there is the but, I just can't take a final step, know what I mean? I think as infertility survivors, it is hard, if not impossible to slam the door on it. We say all the time we are D O N E, but.....I don't know? Sorry, I guess I didn't answer your question, did I?

Jen said...

I think it is really too early for you to know. Your hormones are crazy right not having just given birth and you are experiencing the "babymoon" stage. I think most women never really know. i have 3 kids and am also in my 30's. My hubby is in his 40's and says we are definately done. We never did anything permanent (our youngest is 6) just because it was hard to take that step. AS time goes on, I don't really feel a strong urge to do it again. I guess time will tell. There is no need to decide right now is there? Go on birth control a couple years and then talk about it again. Just enjoy your 3 kids and congrats on the new baby!

Tiburon said...

The moment I looked at Amelia I just KNEW she was it for us. I really think you just know when you are done. But that is me...

Sara said...

We know that we are done. Pregnancy is really hard on my body and each time gets harder and more dangerous for me and the baby. The fertility issues suck too.

We also feel that 3 kids is our limit in almost every way. Space, money, time ... we feel that three kids is the most we can have and still give them the life that they deserve.

I know that I will someday feel the pull to procreate again but it's not gonna happen.

Betsy McK said...

We have 3 little boys and yes I would have LOVED nothing more than a sweet little girl, but I physically knew I could not go through another pregnancy. I also knew when we were done with out last pregnancy that I would get my tubes tied with the c-section, which I did. Our 3rd boy just turned 13 months and I am 8 days out from my mommy makeover. I can't tell you how excited I am about my new body and having everything back into it's orginal place :o). I'm looking forward to enjoying my new and improved body, and I figure if I ever get the baby itch, I'll adopt a sweet little girl that could really use a loving family. Honestly though we just knew we were done with having biological babies. I think you just know.

Teachermom said...

I think a lot of it comes from what your expectations are and what size of family you had growing up. I always thought I'd want 2 children. And then after everything that happened, we realized how lucky we were to have 2 healthy children without nearly the amount of heartbreak that I've seen others in our situation go through, so that made the decision really easy for us to call it done after 2.

However, I have to say that while I feel like my decision was partly made by our circumstances, there has not been one time since M's birth when I doubted our decision or my feeling of being 'done'. I miss being pregnant, and I love holding and cooing at sweet newbornds, but there hasn't been a time yet where I've thought that I wanted to have another. I think you just *know*. Sometimes you are fortunate enough to know and make the choice to be done, sometimes that choice is made for you when you aren't ready to be done. I think only time will tell.

Jerri Ann said...

It was easy, my body had made it plain that it would no longer serve as an incubator. With all my ailments and problems with being pregnant, it was just normal to say, the time is NOW. I had a hysterectomy when the youngest, the second child, was 6 weeks old. It was the most liberating move I had ever made. Sounds silly, but man it felt good.

Roselea said...

You'll know when the time is right, now is simply not the time to be deciding that you are done or not. Put it off and when you are not so hormonal you'll be able to decide more rationally. I too wanted a fourth after DD was born but as time has gone by the urge has diminished.

DD is 3 1/4 now and while I'd love to raise four I simply can't bring myself to go thru another pregnancy. I think of trying to get DS's off to school/preschool and being big and pregnant and think no thanks. We live in a climate with hard winters so that probably factors into my decision as well. Plus I've got things I want to do next summer with the kids and I couldn't be pregnant and do them, so that's a big negative motivator.

I guess in short, for the first time, I feel like I also have to consider the needs of my other children (in my other pregnancies my DS's were so little that we weren't all that mobile yet) and feel that it'd be shorting them to have another baby.

That said, we haven't done anything permanent and if we were to have a surprise I'd make the best of it, but I'm not deliberately getting myself pregnant!

HTH!